空降兵

　　某空降兵部队搞了一次夜间空降。为了让地面部队能够看清空降人员降落的准确位置，他们把空降兵身上全缠上了五颜六色的彩灯。
　　由于当晚风太大，一名伞兵被吹到了附近村庄的院子里去了。
　　院子里有个老太太正在看月亮，伞兵走过去问：大娘这是什么地方？
　　老太太声音颤抖的说：这是地球……

神经病

神经病
vSnail 发布于：2008-02-28 02:54

一位总统突然心血来潮，打算去某精神病院视察。
精神病院院长接到通知后，便安排手下加紧准备。
为了讨好总统，还严格训练全院病人在总统来访时，夹道欢迎，热烈鼓掌。
总统来了，病人们热烈的掌声令他非常满意。
突然，总统问院长：“怎么刚才你没有鼓掌呢？”
院长回答道：“我干嘛要鼓掌？我又不是神经病……”

发家致富

发家致富
vSnail 发布于：2008-01-09 08:26

一位白手起家的大亨正在夸耀他成功的秘诀。
他说：“本人平时有一个理论，那就是薪水是工作中最不重要的一个环节。全心全意工作，以达到个人能力的颠峰，所带来的满足感比金钱更大。”
记者问：“你就是让自己深信了这点后才发家致富的吗？”
“不，我是让为我工作的员工深信不疑后发家致富的。”

摘自：《读者》2007-24

危险提示

危险提示
vSnail 发布于：2007-11-10 03:23

　　萨姆是一家小公司的普通职员，一次，他的公司接下一项重要的任务，萨姆被要求加班。 那一天，完成好分配的工作后很晚了，萨姆急急地往车站赶去。等了20多分钟后，来了一辆双层巴士。萨姆上车后，只看到一位看起来很虚弱的老人。萨姆觉得很不舒服，他准备到上面去躺一会儿，可是，老人突然说到：“小伙子，别上去。上面危险。”萨姆看了老人一脸认真的样子，听从了老人的劝告，在车后面的一个座位上坐下。20分钟过后，萨姆平安地到了站，即使坐的有些难受，不过萨姆觉得还是安全重要。

　　第二天，萨姆同样工作到很晚。他想乘出租车回去，那样快一点也比较舒服，可是他想了想妻子和孩子便打消了这个念头。萨姆又登上了那辆最后一班的双层巴士，令他有些惊讶的是，他又遇到见了那位老人。萨姆一上车便听见老人说道：“小伙子，不要上去，上面危险。”虽然这是第二次了，萨姆还是有一些恐惧，他看了看上层，好象很阴森的样子，萨姆认为不应该拿生命开玩笑，于是乖乖地在下面坐了下来。

　　第三天晚上，萨姆上车后，再一次看到那位老人。萨姆想起了他的话，虽然很累，可是萨姆还是坐在了下面。到下一站的时候，上来一位年轻人，当年轻人准备到上面去的时候，老人又提醒道：“小伙子，别上去，上面危险。”小伙子停住了，回过头来问道：“有什么危险呢？”老人郑重地说道：“上面非常危险！上面没有司机啊！”听后，年轻人笑了笑，立刻到上层舒服地躺了下来。而萨姆则望着老人，目瞪口呆。

来源：《环球时报》

运动轨迹

运动轨迹
vSnail 发布于：2007-08-02 13:10

　　某运动员立志要成为网球新星，结果半年下来，网球教练摇头道：“要不得，你体能太差，不能打网球。”于是运动员转向打篮球。
　　半年过后，篮球教练告诉他：“不行，你对抗能力太差，不能打篮球。”该运动员只得转向乒乓。
　　未及三月，乒乓球教练告诉他：“你生活不捡点，敬业精神太差了，不能打乒乓。”
　　运动员听后不禁潸然泪下，乒乓教练见之不忍，语重心长地对他说：“算了，给你指条明路，你还是踢足球吧！”

What gender is computer?

What gender is computer?
vSnail 发布于：2007-08-02 13:02

A language teacher was explaining to her class that in French, nouns unlike their English counterparts, are grammatically designated as masculine or feminine. "House" in French, is feminine -"la maison," "Pencil" in French, is masculine "le crayon."

One puzzled student asked, "What gender is computer?" The teacher did not know, and the word was not in her French dictionary. So for fun she split the class into two groups appropriately enough, by gender and asked them to decide whether "computer" should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Both groups were required to give four reasons for their recommendation.

The men's group decided that computer should definitely be of the feminine gender ("la computer"), because:
1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later review.
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheque on accessories for it.

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be masculine "le computer") because:
1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on.
2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves.
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem.
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realise that if you had waited a little longer you could have gotten a better model.

计算机的性别

　　一位语言学家对她的班级解释说，跟英语不一样，法语里面的名词根据语法都分配有性别，要么是阳性，要么是阴性。她说，比如“粉笔”和“铅笔”这样的一些词都有性别上的联想，尽管在英语当中这些词都是中性的。

　　一位学生大惑不解，因此举手提问：“那计算机属于什么性别？”老师也不知道，因此将全班分成两组，让他们来决定计算机应该属于阳性还是阴性。一组由班上的女生构成，另一组由男生构成。两个组都要求拿出4条理由来说明自己的意见。

　　女生那一组作出结论，认为计算机属于阳性，因为：
为了获取它们的注意力，你必须让它们打开；
它们有很多数据，但仍然很笨；
它们应该能够帮助你的，但有一半的时间它们本身都是问题；
等你刚刚迷上一个，立即发现再等一阵子的话，一定能够得到更好的型号。

　　另外一方面，男生认为计算机属于阴性，而且肯定如此，因为：
除了制作者以外没有谁知道它们的内在逻辑；
它们与其它计算机进行交流时使用的语言是其它任何人都听不懂的；
哪怕你犯的最小的一个错误都会长期存储在内存中，便于以后检索；
等你刚刚迷上一个，马上会发现自己必须把一半的工资拿去购买配件。

突然想踢足球了

突然想踢足球了
vSnail 发布于：2007-08-02 12:49

蚯蚓一家这天很无聊，小蚯蚓就把自己切成两段打羽毛球去了，
蚯蚓妈妈觉得这方法不错，就把自己切成四段打麻将去了，
蚯蚓爸爸想了想，就把自己切成了肉末。
蚯蚓妈妈哭着说：“你怎么这么傻？切这么碎会死的！”
蚯蚓爸爸弱弱地说：“……突然想踢足球了”

What gender is computer?

A language teacher was explaining to her class that in French, nouns unlike their English counterparts, are grammatically designated as masculine or feminine. "House" in French, is feminine -"la maison," "Pencil" in French, is masculine "le crayon."

One puzzled student asked, "What gender is computer?" The teacher did not know, and the word was not in her French dictionary.

So for fun she split the class into two groups appropriately enough, by gender and asked them to decide whether "computer" should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Both groups were required to give four reasons for their recommendation.

The men's group decided that computer should definitely be of the feminine gender ("la computer"), because:
1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later review
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheque on accessories for it.

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be masculine "le computer") because:
1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on.
2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realise that if you had waited a little longer you could have gotten a better model